daisy water.

&again my dreams will not stop
unlikely situations playing & replaying
in my thoughts.
&me, for the first time
playing the liar
the thief
the breaker of bodies
[& my own skin]
&regret.
[oh my dear, the regret]
although love in generally forgiving
mine, for you, stitches together
my disgusting wound of a heart
with a ten mile needle.
opening old scars
renewing the screaming agony of nerves
&starting to bleed all over again.

you made me safe.
the tighter you held me
the more paranoid i became
because the more i knew you
the more i loved you
&the more you could hurt me...
...
so i hurt us both
&now i could die a million times
&hurt just the same.

why the fuck did i do this

&the past is not interchangable
&it hurts.
because my jealousy
&fear
&everything else a father could have given
his daughter
ended me... you...we...
a bird should not escape its cage
if it has previous clipped its own wings
my fear & love of being kept in your heart
turned to wood & nails
&each day is a resurrection
more painful than the last
the greatest shame for my pen to
touch to paper
is that even death may be a blessing
second only to your forgiveness
&it kills to me realise...

death is tenfold more likely.

je suis très desolée.
je te manque... et je t'aime... je pense, en plus d'avant je suis partie.
parce que je suis en fait le votre.