i woke up & realised he stole my colour the very hue from my irises
the sun marched though my window keeping both its rays &the rain in meticulous order my pillows had turned to a solid-esque air &i was smaller &younger &now better off
[because santa carla is worlds away]
his mouth danced more than his narrow hips &feathered feet &i couldn't stare behind him in a coyly indifferent fashion
[the way i often do]
our skin whispered beside one another embracing liquids whie be breathed smoke into my hair much so that i thought i would soon disappear
& your chemical eyes. you once laughed & noticed the matching hues. [not at all true] now you have nothing off which to reflect the colour.
because i am making you disappear. & i can step outside the house maybe even without prison wall sunglasses keeping out any words which would subsequently spell out your name.
but. with every sacrificial cigarette the burning nubs scream out for you. & i can't seem to stop coughing until the smoke clears entirely.
& i'm left with a brand new mirror. smudging white fingertips across my paling lips. am i dying already? was my life really only worth violence. false longing. the occasional fuck. addiction. your worth as well.
which consists of every lie you've ever breathed. & whispered your love outside of a broken home which shelters a broken girl with a broken mouth [what would you have said if she could have heard?]
you would have told me a hug. i would have driven away. knowing that your cobalt blue was one step away from being gone.
'i will be inside the one who holds you. ...& then i won't be"
Credits: DeviantArt for Photography & Francesca Lia Block for Quotation [from Wasteland].
